Ugly Indian Baby

Ugly Indian baby.  
This is the one thing that all soon to be Indian parents fear.  As many of you know.  Many babies are hideous.

Especially the pure bred Indian.  This can occur even if both parents are marginally doable like in our situation.

This was the constant fear that my lovely wife and I had during our pregnancy.  It was on our week 20 ultrasound when we heard the terrible news. 

The doctor said,  “Wow, Your baby has hair.  He said, “Oh, Yes he has hair from front to back.”  
Front to back of what? I thought. What are you talking about?  The rest of the doctor's visit was a blur.  I stopped listening.

I was driving home with this fear of a super hairy baby. My baby has hair already and it’s only week 20.  How much worse could this get.  I could tell the doctor was shocked. It was in his tone.  Tone is everything.  My wife taught me that.  The way he said the word “WOW”  I knew something was wrong.  

During the drive home I received some other bad news.  Apperently our baby was very small.  Something about the head or the abdomen or some other measurement the doctor made.  I wasn’t listening at that point. But my wife was, and she said that was the whole reason we were at the doctors.  And apparently my baby was smaller than most, and he wanted to see us back sooner than originally scheduled.  My wife was super concerned about the size of our baby.  He wasn’t growing as fast as he was earlier in the pregnancy. Anxiety ensued.

Next doctors appointment: The news gets worse.  This time our sonogram was performed not by the doctor but by a sonography tech.  Clearly, their skills can’t be the same as the doctors.  She starts off telling us the heart, kidneys etc. look OK.  And now she is checking the spine when she says, “Oh wow your baby has hair on his back.” WHAT!?!?!?  My baby has hair on his back at 24 weeks are you kidding me.  I knew it. I was in for a UIB. Nothing could change that now.

During that drive home my wife is crying.  I have to comfort her. I said don’t worry we will love the baby the same no matter what it looks like.  She sceams “you weren’t you even listening.”  I said I was.  The baby has a hairy back.  I heard everything.  NO, NO she screams the baby is not growing as fast as it should.  It was 50 percentile before and now it’s dropping to 25%.  The doctor didn’t seem that worried about the size he just wanted to see us in 4 weeks.

28 weeks. It gets worse.  This was the most upsetting of all appointments.  The disease was spreading.  While checking the babies arms, the sonographer comments the baby has hair on his shoulders. Fuck. Say it ain’t so.  I started to cry. The doctor came in and did his thing. My wife and him had a discussion about something.  The baby I guess.  Then I finally got to ask my question.  Do you think the baby is too hairy?  He laughed and said “Is that what you are worried about?”  It wasn’t what he said.  It was the way he said it.  The tone it was so evil and smug.  I was in for a UIB.  Nothing could change that now.

The drive home was déjà vu for me.  It will also be for the readers if I describe what happened. 

Next sono, hair on the face.  BTW sonography technology is amazing.  Even I as a doctor didn't know you could see hair on a sonogram.

The drive home déjà vu.  The baby was 5% but still growing. 

Next sono I was afraid to ask if the hair had moved to the hands and if I was having a Werebaby.  That’s a combination of a werewolf and a baby for those of you that don’t watch bad movies or read comics.

So lets just skip to 7-11-13 Disaster Day.

7-11 is India’s 9-11.  When terrorist attacked Mumbai and killed millions, or thousand. I’m not sure. Suffice it to say a very small percent of Indians.

Now 7-11 had become My Disaster day.  The day I’ve been dreading my whole life.  Not just becoming a father but a father to a UIB who is probably also a werebaby.  

And……….

Ugliest baby I have ever seen

So this is the first thing he says to me.

Fuck You Dad. How dare you call me ugly.

Then a few short hours later. I realized my wife had not give birth to an alien baby but something wonderful.

 

Shortly after that.  I was soooo damn happy my family and friends in Dallas thought I was manic.  Well how else would you react going from a werebaby to the cutest F'ing baby I had ever seen.

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